tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83532077255193806472024-03-19T04:32:00.321+00:00MOOSEMoosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-40748604877458692702010-09-02T20:23:00.003+01:002010-09-12T12:41:05.652+01:00Interrail Experiences and Travel Guide for the UnpreparedIn the last three weeks, my research for this blog has taken me to four countries and nine cities in Central and Northern Europe. I traveled with an old friend and PIC, who shall remain nameless for the sake of any court cases that come up against us in the future, given the un-PC way this blog is written. Therefore, he is AKA'd as Tiger. Also, this whole thing was actually a holiday, not research. However it can now appear as such as I provide you with a totally fair, accurate and unbiased account of said cities, so you can go and explore them for yourselves (not Frankfurt though, it's rubbish).<br />
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<u><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">Amsterdam</span></span></b></span></u><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 7</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 7</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 4</span></span></i></div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not bad. But not good. Like purgatory. Lots of nice canals, but waaay too many bikes. Bikes everywhere. All up in your grill. The reason why transport is so poor in fact. There are trams, but they can't move - because of the bikes. So you go on foot, but you can't move - because of the bikes. The buildings were ok, although mostly brown brick, which is the same colour as the really ugly Tescos in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newport_Retail_Park">Newport Retail Park</a>. The food was pretty standard, although they put watermelon in the salad. WHY?! So after you've arrived late, been run over, <a href="http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20100831/twl-dutch-arrest-two-at-schipol-airport-41f21e0.html">nearly got killed by terrorists</a> and poisoned by mal-positioned fruits, you get diseased in the red light district, merely by walking through it. This is not a comment against the (actually sanitary) girls who work there, but rather against the hygene and social lifestyles of the punters who frequent it. Most of whom are from Essex. Burned.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Most of the bikes aren't even locked up. Trustworthy, these Amsterdam folk...</span></td></tr>
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 7</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 7</span></span></i></div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #38761d;">Transport : 4</span></i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Where <i>is</i> Antwerp?" I hear you ask. Don't worry, you're not geographically retarded - it's in Belgium. I don't know why everyone mocks Belgium. Actually, it's probably because of their funny cars and dated agicultural practices. However Antwerp, the <a href="http://visit.antwerpen.be/Bezoekerssite-EN/Publicatiekanalen/Stad/Antwerpenbe/Bezoekerssites/Bezoekerssite-EN/Bezoekerssite-EN-Bezoekerssite-EN/Bezoekerssite-EN-Bezoekerssite-EN-Algemeen/Bezoekerssite-EN-Bezoekerssite-EN-Algemeen-In-de-kijker-diamond.html">diamond capital of the world</a>, is lovely. Often thought of as a smelly little brother to France, Belgium is clean, ordered, respectable and fun. We stayed in a hostel that was so early on in its renovation that there was sand on the floor. We were told by Mike, the effervescent Irish drunk who owned it, that this was partly to do with trying to 'make it look like summer', but mostly because there were 'stains all over the real floor'. The bar downstairs was a riot though, and there was a cracking <a href="http://www.dekathedraal.be/en/">massive cathedral</a> in the main square. And not a bike in sight. The metro is unusable however. After three days we were still not sure how many lines there were, or if indeed they were <i>any</i> lines. The map looked like it had been envisaged by Stevie Wonder directing to a freehand Stephen Hawking and there were never any ticket offices at which to ask. It didn't matter though, after Amsterdam we were just glad to be able to use our feet again. Also, in a bakery, we found a cinnamon whirl that was bigger than my face. Om nom nom.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's probably the first ever pastry I've not finished.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hamburg</span></span></span></u></b></span></span></span><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></span></u></b>Food / Drink : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 10</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 10</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 8</span></span></i></div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What a success! Hamburg was immense. Party town, friendly people. No Belgians selling you chips and chocolate, which never go well together. The <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reeperbahn">Reeperbahn</a>, a.k.a </span></span></span><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">die sündige Meile</span></i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (the sinful mile) was especially vivante, given its position as the 'unofficial' red light district of the city. Lots of cool bars, relatively cheap, and decent food. Since we were in Germany, it was basically bratwurst. Nice though. It rained most of the time we were there, but that just added to the North German Port feel to it. Architecturally speaking it was decent, with some more impressive religious buildings. It was at this point that Tiger and I considered getting t-shirts made with the slogan 'Cathedrals and Prostitutes tour 2010'. We didn't though, because, well, we don't think it'd be accurate. We only went in two cathedrals...</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Right where we wanted our holiday to go</span>.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: red;"></span><u><b><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Berlin</span></span></span></b></u><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 10</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 10</span></span></i></div><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course its 10 for transport. Berlin is the home of so-called German Efficiency. Not so-called actually, it's true. And a good thing it is too! I'd go there again just to ride the S-bahn. Britain could learn a thing or to from our germanic cousins in this field. They may have ravaged Europe on two occasions in the last century but at least their busses run on time. And their metros and trams. Great atmosphere here too, lots going on. Arts and Banter. The most important A-to-B in modern life. The history of the city is fascinating (stop yawning, it is), mostly because it's still very much a history of living memory. You can still see the massive divide the Wall caused between the old East and West sides of the city, and its effects both on the image and the feelings to the two areas. And you can get a pint for 2 euros. Cracking. </span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Bratwurst am byth even. Why the hell not it's in every other language!</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><b>Prague</b></u></span></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 5</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommmodation : 7</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 6</span></span></i></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The best thing about this stage of the trip was the Segway tour. A city tour, on Segways. Drool. However, I have given Prauge a 5 for its food and drink, because its bars and restaurants are full of THIEVES. It is now such a tourist trap that you cannot go out anywhere to eat without getting fleeced for everything you order. And some things you don't. We got charged extras for;</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The giant pretzels that were already on every table</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The 'complimentary' bread</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The garlic sauce that came with the bread</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The kitchen service (food wasn't that good)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bar service (there's a bar?!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">20% v.a.t. </span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a prolonged argument with the badly attired - and frankly rude - waiter, we ended up having to pay somewhere in the region of 400 czech crowns (16 euros) over what we owed. Each. Here is my advice: Don't go to Prague. It's not cheap, not overly pretty, and on the whole, the people are all c*nts. Good Segways though.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Catch me now, Mr rip-off restauranteur!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><u><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Munich</span></span></b></u></span></span><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 10</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport :10</span></span></i></div><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Basically, beer and Nazis. Classic combination. After the horror of Prague, it was great to be back in friendly, safe Germany. Although the Bavarian people have a somewhat unique way of showing it, they are extremely amicable, especially towards tourists, and we had loads of fun. It's a really interesting city (its history is fascinating, yet tainted by the birth of National Socialism), and grrreeaaaatt beers. They rivaled the Belgian ones. In the </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.hofbraeuhaus.de/en/index_en.html">Hofbräuhaus</a> you can buy litre glasses of the stuff, and swing them merrily in time to the Oompa band blasting its way through every bavarian marching/drinking song they know*. For 3 hours. Also, our tour guide alerted us to the local Bavarian tradition of stealing May Poles. Back in the day, if one town managed to nick the May Pole from a local rival, that town has to throw them a party to get it back! It still happens today, and that, for us, was the definition of banter. Rock on Munich!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Amongst which are classic hits such as <i>We March Whilst We Drink</i>, and <i>We Drink Whilst We March</i>. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBHzJsDPzlYcYTPvfb9OPfVtCCTU_F-FmdZO8BHWHvXha5r7AZAynx04YekIJednxmfwRGCSQiJ0kn13irlQzmeitSS-9yxbcDeW7QWLKEmiM0MTwWY07ac_kswcI51O-B8cnTxCut_A/s1600/DSCF0894.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBHzJsDPzlYcYTPvfb9OPfVtCCTU_F-FmdZO8BHWHvXha5r7AZAynx04YekIJednxmfwRGCSQiJ0kn13irlQzmeitSS-9yxbcDeW7QWLKEmiM0MTwWY07ac_kswcI51O-B8cnTxCut_A/s320/DSCF0894.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyone got a hacksaw then?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><u><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Frankfurt</span></span></b></u></span></span><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 7</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 4</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 3</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 7</span></span></i></div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What we didn't realise before booking a hostel in Frankfurt, was that <i>there is nothing there.</i> Actually, this isn't strictly true. It would be more accurate to say there's <i>nothing there except banks</i>. Our hostel was awful (two showers between 40 people), and the city grey and drab. But we were only there for one night, so we went for a look around. It was actually more of a butchers, because we had bratwurst (Aha). Luckily for us thrill-seekers, we found a cracking festival down on the river. Not sure what it was all about really, but there was food, drink and music and we had a royal time. Excellent German beers notwithstanding, these guys don't half make some weird drinks. One of these was a particularly piquante (to put it politely) wine made from apples. 'That's cider!' I hear you say. No no, this is wine. And it is d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g. Otherwise though, we stayed one night, sampled the interesting frankfurter atmosphere, and moved on the next day, feeling slightly ill.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mmm apple wine.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Cologne</span></b></u></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 10</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 5</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 8</span></span></i></div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></b></u></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cologne was great. Apart from looking like the only bit of Birmingham that hasn't been lavished with money (that's a joke, by the way), it was a really cool town. There is another MASSIVE cathedral (the difficulty named Koln Dom), but after that the prettiness is used up. It's as if they were given the same amount of nice brick as every other city in Germany, but decided to use it all on the church. The rest of the town might as well be made out of Swansea's spare parts, for all it looks like. But the night we had was a cracker. Friendly people, those West Germans. Lots of Stag and Hen nights, but these were for the most part German, and therefore much more considerate than our horrible ones. No nakedness and no annoying other people! Tiger and I found two delightful girls in a bar and tried to chat them up for about a minute, until we realised the only thing we can say in German besides the staple 3 phrases is a saying that translates as an ironic 'that's about as clear as dumpling soup!' - and there's not much use for that when you're trying to impress the fraulines. I don't even think it makes sense.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: black; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For some reason, we never managed to get any of the balls in...</span></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: black; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Bruges</span></span></u></b></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food / Drink : 9</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prettiness : 8</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Atmosphere : 3</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accommodation : 6</span></span></i></div><div style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transport : 4</span></span></i></div><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a word, overrated. Bruges is (apparently) the Venice of the North. In what way?! It has a few canals, and old buildings. Big deal, so does <a href="http://www.cwmbran.info/canal_volunteers.htm">Cwmbran</a>. If I had a better half it may have been better. I can see the romantic attraction, but, to quote Colin Farrell in the smash black comedy <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780536/"><i>In Bruges</i></a>, "If I had grown up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me. But I didn't, so it doesn't". Fair point really. Talking about films, Tiger and I like this one, so we decided to do the (un)official <i>In Bruges</i> walking tour of the city. Great, except for the only way the tour was remotely connected to the film was due to the fact that it was actually <i>in</i> Bruges. And judging by the tell tale signs in the bloodshot eyes of our idiot American tour guide, this may have been by chance. "I work completely on tips!" Looks like you're going hungry then sonny. And take your trilby off. </span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's the hotel in the film. Always disappoint in real life don't they, film locations? </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"> <u><b>Conclusion / Disclaimer</b></u></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So there it is. </span>9 cities in as many minutes. I feel it necessary to say that (as usual) I may have raised some eyebrows during this post. Just to clear everything up therefore, I'm not into prostitutes, not all people from Essex have STIs, Belgium isn't weird and not everyone in Prague is a - well, you know what I said. They're ok, I expect we just were unlucky in who we met. </div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frankfurt's still rubbish though</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><u><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span></b></u></span></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-24758068516172880332010-07-29T22:50:00.010+01:002010-08-03T23:21:56.989+01:00Quarter Pounders, Katie Price and Shoes vs Food<span style="color: #0b5394;">This week I was in London. As I recline in my</span> <a href="http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/S09851595">Ikea Jerrik Swivel Chair</a> <span style="color: #0b5394;">and consider the events of the last few days, several in particular jump out at me and present themselves as Blog-worthy. None of them really are, I just don't have much else to say; it's been a lean week. Haha. You'll laugh later.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Katie Price to Quit Music</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">That's right folks - you heard it here first. Except you didn't, because we all knew it was <em>definately going to happen </em>when she announced her intentions about going into music in the first place. And what does that even mean anyway? At which point did her ever being 'in' allow her to qualify to 'quit' the music business? She was never 'in' music. Idiot. According to our friends at Marieclaire.co.uk, the star (again, negligible use of the word 'star') has decided to arrest her efforts at making music, after her single<span style="background-color: white;">,</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9iYhBUlK-c&feature=related">Free to Love Again</a><span style="color: #eeeeee;">, </span><span style="color: #444444;">flopped, reaching just #60 in the charts. Basically it was terribly and amazingly awful. Quelle surprise. No but really, I <em>had</em> thought, going on past occurences of similar nature, that a washed-up topless model (who are often renowned for their wide range of talents by the way) would be <em>really good</em> at singing! Whoever said that is a moron. Her agent probably. Having just listened to the song again, I'm frankly surprised it got as high as #60. The poor thing's probably got vertigo, given the lowly place it truly deserves. She attemps a kind of Madona/Gaga dance trip, but instead achieves a rather unimaginative computer-generated drone. The backing instrumentals aren't great either. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">Also, 'Free to love again?' Not with that picture love. Looks like she's been taken for a joyride by Hector from the Illiad. If you didn't get that joke, then I apologise for all of the above. Because you're probably a Katie Price fan.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">McDonald's, I'm NOT loving it</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">This week I have uncovered a fact about the world's best-known fast food chain that is more groundbreaking than <em>Watchdog</em>, <em>You Are What You Eat</em> and <em>Supersize Me</em> combined. Upon entering the aforementioned establishment on the 23rd of July last, I fixed my gaze on their oh-so-colourful electronic wall-mounted menus. Oh the modernity. My eyes came to rest upon one item in particular; the Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Now, I didn't have enough cash for a 'meal'*, so I thought I'd go for the staple QPwC. No problems you say, wap your quid on the counter and be done. No no, it costs £2.99. That's <span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">ALMOST THREE POUNDS!</span><span style="font-size: large;"> That, my friends, is a disgrace. Firstly, they never used to be so expensive. And secondly, the name <em>suggests</em> that the thing should cost a sixth of what I paid for it. In case McDonald's haven't noticed (and I'm <em>so</em> sure they haven't), a quarter of a pound is 25p. Maybe an extra 2p for the plastic masquerading as cheese, but essentially, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese should cost 25p. Plus cheese costs.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">*Their use of the word 'meal' is so far from the truth here, it almost becomes 'meat'. Oh the irony.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Food vs Shoes</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: orange;">Forget </span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jul/28/bullfighting-ban-spain-catalonia">bullfighting in Catalonia</a><span style="color: orange;">, the battle worth recapping this week is the one I had with the National Express bus driver, on my coach home from London. Contrary to what they said about doing their best to 'assure my comfort and safety', it turned out you can't have food on the coach. And I was Marvin, as they say down there.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> "You can't take food on mate. Food smells, see? Drinks are alright though, they don't smell".</span><br />
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">Now, I took issue with several things in the Driver's immaculately gramatically structured parlance. Firstly, food does not always smell. <em>MY </em>food smelled, but that was because it was a bit of dodgy cheese and a positively biohazardous megabag of roast beef flavoured Monster Munch (incidentally, have the people at Monster Munch ever even tasted roast beef?). However, you know what they say; same rules apply for all. So if little Jimmy No Mates in seat 47 is allowed a Taz bar, I should be allowed my pungent sarnies. Secondly, drink sometimes <em>does</em> smell. What if someone brought some milk on? It was 28 degrees in London that day...</span><br />
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">So we cannot eat food on the coach, yet people are permitted to <em>remove their shoes. </em>Let me tell you, I'd rather choke down a load of ageing cheesey sandwhiches than have to sit in front of the bare-footed Miss Hot Dog Jamaica 1995 for 2 and a half hours. Trust me, I did both.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">In summary then, this week I discovered, and have since proved, the following three things. Or facts, as they are now known:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">1. Katie Price is, has been, and always will be, rubbish. In every sense of the word imaginable.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">2. McDonald's are conniving little cheats, who employ false advertising as a building block upon which to murder the whole planet through cholesterol overdose and other heath-related complications.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">3. National Express Group PLC employ fascist, illogical drivers with no common sense or rationale regarding odour prevention.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">So, another positive week then. Here endeth the lesson.</span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-75073752942917429362010-07-20T23:56:00.018+01:002010-08-03T23:20:49.482+01:00Animal Rights and Beauty Parlours<link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So this week, given that I have no job (thanks, Government) or hobbies (thanks, HDTV), I have to thank my lucky charm (if I had one, which I don’t. Do Dream Catchers count?) that my house was invaded.Invaded, admittedly, is a strong word. But I’m told one needs to open the dialogue of one’s Blogs with an attention grabber. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
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</style></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange;">It worked in 1939, so why not now? Although, it would have been <i>najechany</i> in the original Polish.* </span><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="color: orange;"></link><style>
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</style><span style="color: orange;">So, this week, my house as been hosting more than its usual quota of inhabitants. Around 50,000 more, if truth be told. They’re small, brown and live behind the boiler. And some of them have wings. As many of you have doubtless already guessed, it’s ants. But not the nice ants like in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120623/"><i>A Bug’s Life</i></a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120587/"><i>Antz</i></a>. These are real ants, with ‘survival of the colony’ in mind. </span><span style="color: orange;">If only the Polish had been as successful as I in countering their invaders, the early 1940s would have been a lot less eventful. Although, I doubt sweeping up the Nazi threat with a </span><a href="http://www.morphyrichards.co.uk/AccessoryDetail.aspx?Product=70032">Morphy Richards PremiAIR 1700</a> <span style="color: orange;">would have been as effective as it proved in this instance. Honestly, believe me when I say; Ant vs Hoover - no contest.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #f1c232;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">*Incidentally, the polish word for 'peak' is </span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">szczytowy</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">, which when vocalised causes vomiting. Don't worry too much though, if you pronounce the word 'polish' wrong, you can use it to re-shine the furniture afterwards.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">As well as our Formicidae (ant family) friends, there has also been frequent visits from a member of the Sciruidae (squirrel family, ie. a squirrel) this week. I'm no animal expert, but I'm pretty sure it's the same little fellow who comes back again and again. First it was the strawberries (the protective anti-invader mesh is laughed aside with tragic ease), and then he moved on to his other staple food source; nuts. At least, that's going off the common layman's understanding of the phrase 'nuts and berries'. Either way, those bird feeders have been ravaged. Of said bird feeders (one of which is a bird </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">hotel</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">, don't you know), four are hanging up in the garden. Well, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">were. </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">As of monday, two remain in the garden, and two are in the garden shed, having been savaged by something, like the goat in Jurassic Park. As of this morning, one of these broken ones has moved to the garden path, with its lid off, and is now empty. Time to apply for that gun license...</span><br />
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</style><span style="font-size: large;">Not only, however, have our Formicidae (Ant family) friends caused me a problem this week. There also happens to be a rather inquisitive Sciurida (Squirrel family, ie. a squirrel) who has been doing his best to upset me. And my strawberries. Not content with stealing the majority of the juicy red fruit<i> </i>through its protective mesh, he has now moved onto his other main staple food source, (and I’m going off the common household phrase, ‘nuts and berries’ here); which is, well, nuts. </span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There are 4 bird feeders in my garden. Or rather, there were last week. Yesterday, there were two bird feeders in my garden, and two broken bird feeders in my garden shed. As of this morning, and due to the shed door being left open, there were two bird feeders in my garden, one broken bird feeder in the garden shed, and one broken, open and empty bird feeder on the garden path. Time to get my gun licence…</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">*Incidentally, the polish word for ‘peak’ is ‘szczyt’, which, upon vocalising, causes vomiting. But don’t worry too much, if you pronounce ‘polish’ wrong, you can use it to re-shine the furniture.</span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></i>
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">Does my hair look as good as my wallet feels light? </span></span></b></span>
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</style></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><strong>Does my hair look as good as my wallet feels light?</strong></span> <span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><strong></strong></span>The other provider of excitement this week was my haircut. Only after having typed this sentence has its true depressive nature struck me. Honestly, even though Newport has tried its best to copy Liverpool’s <a href="http://www.superlambbanana.com/home.php?/home">Super Lamp Banana</a> idea by depositing model dragons everywhere, Capital of Culture it is not. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></link><style>
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</style></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange;">Basically, boring personal a</span><span style="color: orange;">necdotes aside, I got my haircut. The subject of this week’s rant is really just that I cannot believe that some of these places charge so much. I had the second-cheapest option on the menu, a ‘gentleman’s dry cut’. I didn’t think the tight-faced woman would give me a discount had I pointed out that I wasn’t really a Gentleman, so I didn’t ask. I paid £11.50. I can hear the Ooo’s and Ahh’s. After that, had I so wished, I could have gone into the (dubiously named) Back Room, for a waxing. HELLO, hot wax! I have never been waxed, but I’m told that it can be </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDpv97yelwI&feature=related"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">painful</span></a><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span> </span></span><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A chest wax costs £15. A chest-to-waist wax costs £25. This means that, for some unknown (and probably unsavoury) reason, there is ten pound’s worth of waxable hair in the space between the chest and waist. You don’t have to be a genius to realise that this would only be true if you were waxing a Gorilla. And I don’t</span> think he’d qualify for the ‘gentleman’s dry cut’ either. After that you can get your nails done, for £30. Please. I cut mine this morning after a shower. For free</span>.</span> <span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPj_qjpwrAJh49hhRDYDfCEZZq_09Np9wfiqvb0xhyp7W0E5D53scCPPaxd6T6QJ9wM-N5BHvgVf9GdLE9QxR8Yeik9xuRGmcr_oB8pZ_vpe9ytY7XEfRMuSQCQXsIp0CQ8s49OaehHc/s1600/298950-silverback-mountain-gorilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPj_qjpwrAJh49hhRDYDfCEZZq_09Np9wfiqvb0xhyp7W0E5D53scCPPaxd6T6QJ9wM-N5BHvgVf9GdLE9QxR8Yeik9xuRGmcr_oB8pZ_vpe9ytY7XEfRMuSQCQXsIp0CQ8s49OaehHc/s320/298950-silverback-mountain-gorilla.jpg" /></a></div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: xx-small;"> <span style="color: white;">"Do I look in a waxing mood?" </span></span></span> <span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></span> <span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></span> <span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span></span><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><style>
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</style></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Essentially, what I’m getting at is that this is all massively overpriced. Did the little pot of wax cost so much it warrants a price tag of £30 for a tenth of its usage? Now I’m no maths genius, but that’s £300 a pot. What.Ever. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="color: orange;"></link><style>
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</style></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am aware that a significant part of my unfortunate readership are involved, in one way or another, in cosmetics. And to you, I apologise. Not because I’ve just slagged off your livelihoods, interests and hobbies for the last few paragraphs; but rather because you feed a rip-off industry with no morals, social fairness or economic credibility. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Having said all this, I’m male (I think), and thus my purse strings are never tightened by this unforgiving industry. And, in fairness, makeup <i>does</i> make women look really good. So (and for the first time ever), I'm going to go contrary to all I've said before when I ask the question; Is L'Oréal <i>really</i> 'worth it'? Hell yeah it is.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfN0OFuJuJhBAxKvdyh-4R0Ul9Ap-fBbNAsDyOn_D31RVjYpqDTi2KUgDauwKRlqVVZV0IN0fE64__3sBgQHlLVF6D2vU4vHkQgi-6DsvfDTshBH_1aXVUYNvyfVXVFbPjXRu1JqZ9Peo/s1600/army_squirrel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfN0OFuJuJhBAxKvdyh-4R0Ul9Ap-fBbNAsDyOn_D31RVjYpqDTi2KUgDauwKRlqVVZV0IN0fE64__3sBgQHlLVF6D2vU4vHkQgi-6DsvfDTshBH_1aXVUYNvyfVXVFbPjXRu1JqZ9Peo/s320/army_squirrel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></div>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-58926218594311662512010-07-06T23:07:00.024+01:002010-08-03T23:20:11.395+01:00You'd never find tweed in an electro club<span style="color: white; font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 85%;">This week I drove down to the South East (sarff eeast) to London (landin) to visit some friends. For security reasons, I can't state their names, mainly because it is possible that some amongst the <em>literally thousands</em> (millions possibly, the page counter's stopped working so WHO KNOWS) of you may harbour stalkerish thoughts, but more truthfully because the people reading this probably know them anyway.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet ms; font-size: 130%;"><strong>Yah, no like, Totally</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;">The timing of my London trip was excellent, as it falls in with one of our new Youtube sensations, VM Productions' </span><em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFjWR7X5dU"><span style="color: #6600cc;">Gap Yah</span></a></em><span style="color: white;">.</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #444444;"> We all know the video, so I won't introduce it. On the second day of my stay in our High Wycome base camp (steady, stalkers), we went to the much maligned (and hereafter infamous, I hope) Henley Royal Regatta. For those who do not know, this is a 5-day outdoor event encompassed around many individually classed amateur rowing races. The Regatta's website,</span> <a href="http://www.hrr.co.uk/"><span style="color: #6600cc;">http://www.hrr.co.uk/</span></a></span><span style="color: white;">,</span><span style="color: #444444;"> informs us of this fact. It also boas - states that the Regatta costs "over £2 million a year", has bought Temple Island, and 'acquired' (taken) land on the Buckinghamshire bank of the river. How commendable. At this point you may be detecting a portion of sarcasm (what? Really?) in these words. There is no mistake.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-size: 85%;">I've no problem with the rowing, the Lamborghinis or any other anchors of the continuing 'class war' ever-present in modern society. It's just, well, what are those straw hats and coloured blazers all about? Actually, the clothes are alright as well. I suppose. I would argue then that this is the common outcome of any modern-day rant towards the upper class - what <em>is it </em>that makes them so unbearably annoying? Is it one reason? Is it many? Is there a way to chronologise them? Of course there is. I know what you're thinking, and yes, it's another countdown list. Sorry in advance for any offense this may (probably will) cause. As you will see not least from the title, this time I've tried to make it as uncontroversial as possible.</span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
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<span style="color: #ff6600;"><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: trebuchet ms; font-size: 130%;">Eight Things Everyone Hates About the Upper Class</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"></span></span><span style="color: #ff6600;"><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-size: 180%;">8.</span> They cannot behave in public. Their social skills are usually poor, especially when communicating with people of 'lesser' stature, eg. hairdressers </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">7.</span> They tend to be <em>pretty </em>arrogant, in terms of their perceived place amongst the other people they have to unfortuneately share the world with (namely, us).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">6.</span> They breed horses. For fun. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">5.</span> Too. Much. Money! Stop buying mozaic floor patterns for your swimming pools and extensions to put on your 'land'. Actually, stop with land stuff altogether. NOBODY BUYS LAND ANYMORE!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">4.</span> Their lives, that's to say money, is hereditory. Which is a massive kick in the teeth for the hard-working House and Garden Staff, I can tell you. Also, little Cecil and Pandora don't have to get proper 'jobs' when they grow up (oh perish the thought, mother!), because daddy's legacy (not daddy's actually, because he got it from <em>his</em> dad, who may have been murdered by the way, although that might not be true...) will pay their way their whole lives.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">3.</span> They're so cliquey! There's only one thing worse than a posh person, and that's two posh people. Worse than two is three, and worse than three is four and so on. I see a trend developing...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">2.</span> Contrary to what was said earlier, their dress sense does often twang. Those boating hats are frankly ridiculous and the multicoloured jackets look like the whole lot of them got their clothes tailored at Hansel and Gretels' house, using 'natural' materials.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ff6600;"><span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ffcc00; font-size: 180%;">1.</span> Accent. Seriously, what is that all about? Stop pronouncing words wierdly. And stop scoffing! And putting overly-exaggerated breaks and downward inflections in sentences. I actually heard one guy going "yah, and then I was like 'oops, Guilty. As. Charged!'" What a noob.</span></span><span style="font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: 85%;">I suppose it is testiment to my earlier point that I had to write a list of 8, since I couldn't really think of 10 reasons. I suppose this just angers us more, because we know that really these people are probably more deserving of pity rather than hatred. It's probably just jealousy. Definately we were jealous at the Regatta when we didn't have Enclosure (what are you, sheep?) Passes, so had to make do with skulking on the rubbish part of the river, up to our necks in nettles and cholera.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: 85%;">Didn't even see a bloody boat race.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: trebuchet ms; font-size: 130%;"><strong>London Town</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What a great place London is. Massive, but at the same time seperated and diverse. To tell you the truth, we just went there to party, so there's no point going into it in great detail. Probably the most notable observation was that we somehow managed to drop about 5 classes in 2 hours. It was great, home sweet home, back amongst those who accepted us. The club we went to certainly didn't have an 'enclosure', unless you count the smoking area 'round the back. Not a pipe in sight though.</span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: 85%;">I should really follow this up with a more detailed account of our nuit blanche complete with the 1.5 hour early morning (Night)bus road trip across central London. But that class rant episode has warn me out.</span><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 85%;">So that pretty much wraps it up for this week. Well, this <em>time</em>. I don't want to trick myself into having to post this weekly now that I've got copious amounts of free time on my unemployed hands...</span><span style="font-size: 85%;">I've decided to start a new feature, which so far doesn't have a name. 'This week, I have enjoyed...' doesn't really have much of a snap to it, but it's 00:54 in the morning and I've been up for ages writing this. The things I do for you. Therefore it is in the temporary absence of a better name, that I give you</span></span></span><br />
</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"><span style="color: #009900; font-size: 130%;"><strong>This week, I have enjoyed...</strong></span> </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li><span style="color: #cc33cc; font-size: 85%;">Quavers</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc33cc; font-size: 85%;">Welcome Break Radio</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc33cc; font-size: 85%;">The wonders of Sat Nav</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #cc33cc; font-size: 85%;">5 Alive</span></li>
</ul><br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">Excellent. Feel free to discuss all these in the comments below, or alternatively at home or school with your friends. </span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">Make sure you tell them where you got it from though.</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: 85%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: 85%;">.<img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490950020304016178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirV-7yzqhe-8Ids_vxTckc9A_aYaesgem6ZatJbEJp3Ai9-4LgQ1hfhBn3i75Q073jPsdi0Z7VoaoWPDhVNX9ey4EOCoBo2LNGizM0kfhvU0-NadHXyjTvdZzW8VBZ7VteNwgWAaYQYN0/s400/political-pictures-rick-wagoner-oppressed-class1.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 382px;" /></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-79747927978994915872010-06-29T15:34:00.013+01:002010-08-03T23:21:17.826+01:00World Cup Special<div align="left"><span style="color: white; font-size: 100%;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="color: white; font-size: 100%;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: 100%;">It's here again. The 'greatest of all world sporting events' (not sure about that one) as so many describe it has once again squirmed and forced itself into our lives, as it does every 4 years. I am myself a fan of sport, but fear not, this is not about to be a gung-ho boyish reflection on how great football is, and how the England team was cheated, and how "the referee's a w***ker". No, in this section I wish merely to draw your attention to several enjoyable (non footballing) things I think have come out of the World Cup. And, as is commonplace on the Moose Blog (and to retain the sporting nature of this thread) I've done them in a top 10 list. Cracking.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">10. Controversy</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">What would any world-renowned event be without a bit of controversy? The </span><a href="http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/controversy-over-world-cup-ball-won-rsquo-t-die--fbintl_ro-worldcupball061310w.html"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">balls don't work</span></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">,</span> <span style="color: #ff9900;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">the</span> </span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/30/sports/soccer/30ref.html?src=mv"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">referees make huge errors </span></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">and the head of world football's governing body, FIFA, is </span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2010/article-1290490/WORLD-CUP-2010-Sepp-Blatter-apologises-FA-ghost-goal.html"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">humiliated </span><span style="color: #cc33cc;">in front of everyone</span></a><span style="color: #6600cc;">.</span> <span style="color: #ff6600;">My favorite thing about the ball palava was that, whilst so many of the players damned it, the Germans never did. People generally attributed this to their apparent 'no bones about it' mentality. Until someone pointed out that most of the starting XI have individual, and presumably very lucrative sponsorship deals with Addidas. Honest, then.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">9. Nationalistic anger / hatred</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">So England are out. Hardly surprising, given their poor form in both the group stages and the warm-up games. Having said this, the country seems devided about whether to blame the elusive Sepp Blatter and his stone-age footballing laws (see above) or the England team and its manager, Fabio Capello. At least they didn't crash out to the worst ever defeat in their World Cup finals history. Oh, no wait,</span> <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2010/matches/match_51"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">they did</span></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">8. The WAGs.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">Now to the real point of the World Cup, the beautiful women. Referred to as WAGs (wives and girlfriends), Skysports.com provided us with a wonderful, albeit slightly perverted, </span><a href="http://www.skysports.com/football/world-cup-2010/nivea-for-men/gallery-detail/0,,18949_6198003,00.html"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">picture </span><span style="color: #cc33cc;">gallery</span></a> <span style="color: #ff6600;">featuring the most attractive of these gold digg - excuse me - goddesses.</span></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">7. France's Incredible Journey</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">If you thought England were bad, thank your lucky stars you aren't French. Being an ex-pat myself, I feel their pain. And also, I'm not English, so I was really gunning for <em>les bleus</em> this time around. Read the story</span> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2010/jun/22/france-raymond-domenech-world-cup"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">here</span></a> <span style="color: #ff6600;">in full, but the up and down is that they were awful. The country hates the players, the players hate each other, and everyone hates the manager. Ex-manager. Gutted.</span></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">6. Maradona</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">What a man. We all know how</span> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBpu-M6kXCk"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">brilliant</span></a> <span style="color: #ff6600;">Diego Maradona was as a player. But it seems his real potential has always lay in his ability to rely on motivation alone to train a team. He has no experience in team management, yet his handling of this team has been outrageous, funny, and entertaining from the start. For instance, when asked if he had a reaction to Pele and Platinis' statements about his lack of manegerial class, the mercurial Argentine responded "Pele should go back to the museum. As for Platini, he is French. The French are arrogant. What did you expect?" Forever the diplomat then. He also hugs, cajoles with, and even kisses his players when they score or just do anything generally positive. In fact, he's better entertainment than the football, often. Other highlights include running over a cameraman in a Mini, openly encouraging his players to have sex whilst at the world cup, and promising to run round Buenos Aires naked, should his team win. A fully comprehensive list of these excellent nuggets of fun can be found </span><a href="http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2890/world-cup-2010/2010/06/29/2001324/top-10-crazy-diego-maradona-moments-of-world-cup-2010-so-far"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">here</span></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">5. Alan Davies</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #ff6600; font-size: 78%;">The affable english comic now hosts a radio show, Armchair World Cup, in which he and two of his mates discuss the more light-hearted aspects of the competition. Highly recommended, espeically if you, like me, want to get involved but don't really like football <em>so</em> much to the extent that you want to watch two countries you've barely heard of battling it out to a 0-0 draw. You can catch the show on BBC Radio 5 Live, Sundays 11-12, and of course on the evergreen BBC iplayer.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">4. Commentary Blunders</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">We all love bloopers, and some of the ones at this year's festival of football have been nothing short of hillarious. My favourite was David Pleat's language mix-up, where during Italy's exit from the World Cup at the hands of the should-have-been-inferior Slovakia, said "and after that goal it looks like it's going to be time for the 2006 champions to say <em>au revoir</em>". Also, there was Abbey Clancy's admission that her favourite cheese was Cathedral City, which cracked me up, and the ludicrous decision by the BBC to include Emmanuel Adebayor on their pundits panel - who is great value every time you switch on. Not only is his english nigh on impossible to comprehend, but he also doesn't even</span> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgFFYnf2Hck&feature=PlayList&p=76797B1E1E919DBF&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=19"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">turn his phone off</span> </a><span style="color: #ff6600;">during air time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 130%;">3. South Africa (team)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">The host nation of this year's FIFA World Cup, South Africa were never going to set the world alight with their footballing ability. Being the first nation in history to fail to reach the knock-out stages of the competition therefore did not come as too much of a surprise - or so my sporting friends tell me. However, it is their wonderfully laid-back approach to their work that merits them the bronze medal in this coveted of lists. Even if you have not clicked on any of the links so far in this blog, you must click on </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ2SFtXvwas&feature=related"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">this one</span></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">, of their changing room pre-game warm-up. It is definately something the england team should consider next time, with a view to chilling out a bit.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">2. Music</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">Music is loved by all, and the visit of the World Cup to the Rainbow Nation has not dissapointed in this respect. The opening ceremony was a blast, featuring one of the Official Songs of the competition,<em> </em></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kq2UV8jDaQ"><em><span style="color: #cc33cc;">Waka Waka</span></em></a><span style="color: #ff6600;">, ably performed by the excellently talented (in both music and beauty) Shakira. Phwoar, h</span></span><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="color: #ff6600;">er hips still don't lie do they? My favourite however is slightly less well-known. Not an official World Cup song, but brought to fame in Britain by ITV, who chose it as their theme. Vusi Mahlasela's </span><em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvU88O4noCY"><span style="color: #cc33cc;">When You Come Back</span></a> </em><span style="color: #ff6600;">is about the problems of South Africa's past, and the optimism of its future. It encorporates a breath of fresh musical air, and is a fitting African theme to a beautiful country with plenty to celebrate.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">1. South Africa (country)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ff6600; font-size: 78%;">The World Cup is a sporting event, but more importantly it is a world event. The positive effect that such a bringing together of cultures and peoples will undoubtedly have on a country like South Africa is the best part about the whole thing. Such a friendly, humble, welcoming and above all needy nation completely deserves the worldwide unceasing credit it is getting for putting on such a vibrant and enjoyable event. Even for those of us in the world who are not football lovers, we have to admit that the World Cup is indeed a rightful celebration of everything modern South Africa stands for. Peace, friendship and above all equality.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 100%;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;">So there it is, my World Cup in a nut shell. Whilst I am aware that many of you are probably by this point finding the whole affair tiresome, the point has to be made that we should not deny it its true effect - which is great news for South Africa, a nation with which we are now so much more pleasantly aquainted </span></span><span style="color: #444444;">with.</span><span style="color: white;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: 130%;">Mayibuye iAfrica!</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: 130%;"></span><br />
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</div><div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMecQlUQTWzl_1sayal1YHMdJGO38wJdBkek7m6SywAJWBpn9xf_ItGP-LcwY5FCvt_vZgblTh1vGkHskM4P-SgiHQOl22XBLLybSmElwzfT4jO9nPMvXD8YRrMqMT56bm77f0pA0WCwk/s1600/Shaka1.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5488235356898988866" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMecQlUQTWzl_1sayal1YHMdJGO38wJdBkek7m6SywAJWBpn9xf_ItGP-LcwY5FCvt_vZgblTh1vGkHskM4P-SgiHQOl22XBLLybSmElwzfT4jO9nPMvXD8YRrMqMT56bm77f0pA0WCwk/s400/Shaka1.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 381px; width: 378px;" /></a></div>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-66376434635096363522010-06-16T11:12:00.006+01:002010-08-03T23:18:27.390+01:00Homecoming<span style="color: #444444;">Again, and not for the first time, I begin with apologising for the delay in this post. It's been more than a month this time, so don't say I don't keep my leadership on its toes.<br />
This post is relatively short, and will subject itself (I don't think that's english) on my return from France. It's not that great, if I'm honest.</span><br />
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<br />
<strong><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia; font-size: 130%;">Dentistry (continued)</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: 130%;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #444444;">I still haven't got my tooth fixed. I found another dentist, waited in a waiting room for about half an hour (they said it'd only be 10 minutes), and then got told it was nothing serious. Given the fact that, thanks to the</span> <a href="http://wales.gov.uk/splash;jsessionid=PTCSMYkD61yThtq6nq8BgQR68Z1sCQ2s8nrDLHxBnskr8GBffpkf!-463154188?orig=/">Welsh Assembly Government</a></span><span style="color: #444444;">, my dentistry is free in Wales, I declined the kind madame's offer to patch it up for 68 euros. Obviously. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: lucida grande; font-size: 130%;"><strong>Rentrée</strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: 130%;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-size: 100%;">So my time in France is over. What an amazing country. So amazing in fact, here is the lowdown on the pros and cons of living there:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #ff6600; font-size: 100%;"><em>Pros</em></span><br />
<ul><li><span style="color: #33cc00;">Culture. Experiencing new things is always good, and linguistically beneficial if you happen to be studying a language. (Good job I do French, which turned out to be a happy coincidence...)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #33cc00;">Weather. Except for the winter, which was colder than Simon Cowell's heart, the weather was immense. Even when it's chilly it's still blue. And the spring and summer months are nay bad either.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #33cc00;">Friendship. Going abroad is the best way to meet new people and make new friends. And I would know, I've got loads. Thanks to the language barrier mostly. You know what they say though; if it's on Facebook, it's official.</span></li>
</ul><br />
<em><span style="color: #ff6600;">Cons</span></em><br />
<ul><li><span style="color: red;">Culture. Bit of a culture shock at first. I know that my friends (you know who you are) who spent their Year Abroad in the Caribbean are scoffing at me right now. But I put it to them that distance bears no factor on cultural change. France is difference to Britain. Fact.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;">Supermarkets. I know we all love the planet, but why can't they give us plastic bags in supermarkets?! Bring you're own bag, it is. At least advertise it. I've lost count of all the times I've had to walk home from the <a href="http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/8_%C3%A0_Huit">Huit à 8</a> (who don't even have their own website - that's a Wikipedia entry), grimly trying to hold all my shopping in my arms. Once I smashed all my eggs before actually getting outside.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;">Leaving. When you've lived somewhere so vibrant and generally great as Toulouse, you never want to leave. </span></li>
</ul><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">So there it is. As I know that literally thousands of people wait upon this blog with baited breath, in spite of my departure from France I will continue to update this blog every week or so. Lovely.</span><br />
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<span style="color: white;"></span><br />
<img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483321952889868994" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwSnUlncIEGtii1dHHD_HuSd-SNMtu37RONUGgLTX7Hyw6DpQFYAPVvgtrMkVXfVJZ6nSxKma-dsywvwOVMrMPxQcdZ2cpvJ6n6prBm4O3nqNxziWngoh-p4jQRXQTL4ywSLuQy2c80xw/s400/21839_310198903658_507803658_4603918_3846924_n.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /><br />
<span style="color: white;"></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-82653344471583702542010-04-20T14:40:00.007+01:002010-08-03T19:42:12.927+01:00Sun, Dentists and Communication ProblemsI will start this post in the same vain as I usually do by apologising for the lack of activity for the past month or so. I have been soooo busy you know. Good job though, because now I have time to write down all that has happened. (Well, not all, just some, obviously. If I had to write down everything that had happened to me in my action-packed life since 17 March then there wouldn't be enough space. Your scroll buttons would all overheat.)<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Sun</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;">As you might imagine, it's now hot! Finally, puts an end to that <a href="http://provencesouthoffrance.blogspot.com/2010/03/snow-in-march-in-provence.html">ridiculously cold Winter</a> we all experienced down here</span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">. <span style="font-size:100%;">Most days it's around 20 degrees now, moving up to 26 if you're lucky. And no clouds, which really makes a difference in terms of open sunlight area coverage. I could p</span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;">retend that I am sharing this with you just to open the discou</span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;">rs with pleasentries about the weather - but really it's just to rub it in. I know the vast amount of my (expansive) readership is UK based, and therefore kno</span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;">cking about in much less exotic temperatures. I HAVE SUNBURN EVERYWHERE. And I love it.<br /><br /><br /></span></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlJP5cDh9YCppkk-G6dGVMoBCLrSUAkACS1_J2XNWUNyupEKZDE9LxFwVyP8A50cQwYCIYGj-q9q2d_uoXy8_U2utRU3Q17gdwtyU1RRLIjy8XOyfGhyphenhyphen6Ynfm5WMVltglyMS5IJfvWLCU/s1600/heineken+ad.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlJP5cDh9YCppkk-G6dGVMoBCLrSUAkACS1_J2XNWUNyupEKZDE9LxFwVyP8A50cQwYCIYGj-q9q2d_uoXy8_U2utRU3Q17gdwtyU1RRLIjy8XOyfGhyphenhyphen6Ynfm5WMVltglyMS5IJfvWLCU/s320/heineken+ad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5462229560087168354" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204);">Just a couple of photos to show you what I mean.</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 255, 204);"> [Disclaimer: Other lagers are available]</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1x7W4KrrvbMormSSpGPHIMklFRY4npqooAdFOk4VVumJCgCyjM5En8UineJaYtOK0yMplk2VmnlKNaNB3EwcOrF_Mqj64nn7j56IybWZaH7D526tsSnyw76-9gig9pNV9UQIj3GczflE/s1600/Prairie+des+filtres.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1x7W4KrrvbMormSSpGPHIMklFRY4npqooAdFOk4VVumJCgCyjM5En8UineJaYtOK0yMplk2VmnlKNaNB3EwcOrF_Mqj64nn7j56IybWZaH7D526tsSnyw76-9gig9pNV9UQIj3GczflE/s320/Prairie+des+filtres.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5462228340069548722" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Dentists</span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Where to start? I have just made an appointment at the Dentist's for tomorrow, because I've chipped a tooth. Well, more the plastic cap I have on a tooth that got smashed out when I was skiing about five years</span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"> ago (don't have a hyper-link for an image here, but I'm sure you don't mind). Either way, it is the fault of a baguette, which I ate and it was mega hard. Chipped me right up. I don't really ever eat baguettes, I always find them too crustacious, but sometimes, when displayed in the right manner, we just can't help ourselves. This particular one was in a shop with a nice presentation and decent lettuce leaves and above all only 2 euros (cheap for Toulouse)! You couldn't have sold it better to me if you'd sat it on the floor next to a <a href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2752/4073445515_eb9b9a12e8.jpg">really cute dog</a>.<br />So I'm walking along the river towards the <a href="http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parc_de_la_prairie_des_Filtres">Prairie des Filtres</a> where I planned on going to a PicNic, organised on Facebook, with a load of friends. In standard BYOB style, I decided to eat privately before going, then scrounge some free pasta when I got there. Obviously that day Karma (or God, if you're that way delud - I mean inclined) decided to have her way with me, and it befell me that I chipped my tooth. Kazzam.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" >Communication Problems</span><br /><br /></span></span>SO I decide to go to a Dentist. Now, those of you that have read my previous posts will know that I am not the biggest fan of French administration. My opinion has not waivered. Here's another immaculately accurate transcript of what happened.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Ring Ring, Ring Ring</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Receptionist</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Hello?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Me</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Hello, I'd like to make an appointment please.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Certainly sir, when would you like to make it for?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Today, if you've anything going.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Umm, I'm sorry sir, but today is full.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Oh. Tomorrow?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Well my computer is saying it's full tomorrow, but how about Wednesday? It's not an emergency is it?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Tomorrow is Wednesday.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Oh yes, so it is! Well ok, sorry - you might have guessed I'm new at this job! Tomorrow there's a free slot at 13h30, if that suits.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Yes perfectly, thank you. And no, it's not an emergency. Will it be necessary to bring National Insurance details? I'm sorry, I'm foreign.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Oh no sir, we don't deal with any Social Security for our clients.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Oh..ok. (</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Whaat? No refund?! Oh well I can always bolt it after they've told me how much it would cost</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">...)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: I'd just like to take a few details if that's ok sir?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Certainly, go ahead</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><br /><br />R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: The problem?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Chipped tooth.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: The cause?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Baguette</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Baguette? Oh, erm, I see.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: (...)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: What breed is the animal sir?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Pardon me?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: What type?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: I'm sorry, did you say animal?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Yes sir, your dog. What breed is it?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: I haven't got a dog. The appointment is for me!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">R</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir, we don't do people here. This is a Vetinary Dogs' Clinic. We only perform medical and dental proceedures on canines.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">M</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">: (...)</span><br /><br /><br /><br />At which point I hung up. Too embaressed to even reply.<br /><br />So, it turns out I can now add the <a href="http://www.pagesjaunes.fr/">Pages Jaunes</a> to my long list of hated French-administation-thingies. Why didn't they give more information?! At least put a picture of a dog or something on there. Or do they charge extra for that? They probably do, in fairness.<br /><br /><br />I was finally able to contact a real dentist, and get an appointment sorted for tomorrow.<br /><br />I will post then (or was it Wednesday?..) with the results. I'll probably come back wearing a muzzle.<br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><a href="http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parc_de_la_prairie_des_Filtres"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></a><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></span></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-36013768383201156352010-03-24T19:59:00.003+00:002010-03-24T20:03:15.446+00:00BacktrackingI didn't go to school today, because I was offered the opportunity to go on strike. It was great, I just chilled out by the river.<br /><br />Therefore... RE: previous rant about striking, I take it all back. Vive La France.Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-58437167645575965762010-03-18T16:15:00.012+00:002010-08-03T23:17:14.732+01:00Trying is tiring<span style="color: #444444;">Hello everybody. Sorry I haven't written a Blog in so long, it's been a Busy Time. Or should I say, a "Busy Time". (By this I mean I'm accepting the fact that I've just added myself to the long list of people you know who use 'busy' as an excuse) </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 180%; font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: red;">I've got a new flatmate...</span></span><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;">.<span style="font-family: georgia;">..who's name </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: #351c75;">is Floriane. She is French (from La Vendée), and I presume happy to be down south</span> <a href="http://en.ce.cn/World/Europe/200911/28/t20091128_20520227.shtml">keeping her feet dry</a>.</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The best thing</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">about having a flatmate is the rent cuts itself in half. Amazing. This is a really obvious thing to say I know, but still, cracking. 'Spose it makes up for the fact that I'm fearful our heating bill (which is debited from my account) will be through the roof, given that Flo likes to leave the heating on ALL THE TIME. Heating which I don't use. "We'll both pay half?" Don't think so love. </span></span><br />
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</span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 180%;">Work is unrelenting...</span> </span></span></span></span></span><meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" equiv="Content-Type"><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Generator"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Originator"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="font-family: georgia;"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;">...except for thursday, which I have off. The other days though, blimey. I'd like to make it clear at this point that in no way am I complaining about my job - I know it's amazing for what it is, and stuff, (see my first and only </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_w-bbQp_FY">V-log</a></span><span style="color: #444444;">), it's just that it gets annoying when people mess me around with regards to lessons and timetabling. I've gone in (as normal) three times this week, only to find upon arrival that I'm not needed. It's a bit of a bummer as well because it takes me around an hour to get there (my schools are in the suburbs on the edge of the city). Maybe I should get an iPhone, it would probably be able to give me constant updates on the situation at school. (although, we all know</span><span style="color: white;"> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCYD3kAnR5U&NR=1&feature=fvwp">what people think</a> </span><span style="color: #444444;">of people with iPhones...) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;">Anyway, just so you know how hard it is, here's an accurate* transcript of a conversation I had with the Principale Adjointe (deputy) in school last friday:</span></div><span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #ff6600;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: Hullo, I was just wondering about this next hour now, do I have a class? It's just that I haven't seen the teacher at all and was wondering whether I should take all of them instead of just my usual group?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">PA: Hmmm?</span><b style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"> </b><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: It was about my class now. Laetitia's not here I don't think, so should I just carry on as normal?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">PA: Well you'd carry on as normal, but Laetitia's not here. So, I'm not sure what her class are doing. Do you usually take all of them then?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: No, just half.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">PA: Yeah, well she's on strike.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: Right. (Cheers for letting me know in advance though).</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">PA: Yup so you probably shouldn't have come in. Are you on strike too?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: No, no-one told me about the strike. (Again)</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">PA: Oh. Well don't worry about it then. You can just go home.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">M: Ok, thanks for telling me (2 hours too late), see you next week! (Tumbleweed...)</span></span></div><br />
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
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<span style="color: white;">*Dramatisation. May not have happened.</span> <br />
<span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bloody strikes!</span></span></span> </span></span></span></span><meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" equiv="Content-Type"><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Generator"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Originator"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"><style>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">HONESTLY though, this whole striking thing is getting out of control. Everyone's on strike all the time. I expect most of us are in favour of the workers having a voice, but when they take the day off to use their voices calling each other in the bath, you start to think that maybe not </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">everyone</i> goes on strike because they feel passionately about the reforms they want. Whenever strikes have been on (just in my three schools I've had at least 10 since I started in October), I ask people what their for. The answers come in 3 categories:</span></span><span style="color: #444444;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">1. Most people don't know (but still take the day off)</span> <br />
<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">2. Most of the remaining will say something like 'it's to get better rights and recognition' (what does that even mean?!)</span> <br />
<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">3. A really </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic;">really</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"> small percentage will know what it's for, or be activley involved in it.</span></span> <meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" equiv="Content-Type"><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Generator"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Originator"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" style="font-family: georgia;"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 100%;"><span style="color: #444444;">So it seems to me that the vast majority just take advantage and bunk off work, leaving the Assistants (who have no right to strike, don't you know) as the ones who 'pay', not the Ministry of Education. One successful</span> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Revolution">revolution<span style="color: #444444;"> </span></a><span style="color: #444444;">and the government's too scared to fight back...</span></span></div><span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Coming from where I do, it would probably be out of character to suggest what I am about to. But, well, in not so many words, it could be time for France to turn to someone like this...</span></div><span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
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</span></span></span></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_e9-9CwqnJ6wRzkx42Wiq8Hv6lejbwqodNWZCzGM79YkClyD77ax3gjpxGNEchAWUBdUkRJ_wgeA-9eJfGbqAAlmlRTSKrBuvYTSz6jMioo432dKv4nq7JQWGA5PmafZC9UgslXyNSgU/s1600-h/Margaret_Thatcher.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450019934411426162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_e9-9CwqnJ6wRzkx42Wiq8Hv6lejbwqodNWZCzGM79YkClyD77ax3gjpxGNEchAWUBdUkRJ_wgeA-9eJfGbqAAlmlRTSKrBuvYTSz6jMioo432dKv4nq7JQWGA5PmafZC9UgslXyNSgU/s320/Margaret_Thatcher.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 320px;" /></a> <br />
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</span></span></span></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-17794437452886842342010-02-24T22:15:00.007+00:002010-08-03T23:19:28.020+01:00Reprise<span style="color: #444444;">Right. Given that now I have 21 followers (!!), I am going to use this blog to vent a load of anger. This self-emitted (and no doubt self-created) hatred will be directed towards travelling in general, and France in particular. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 180%;">Location, Location, Location</span></span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"> <br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">Liverpool, England. The plan was to return from Toulouse to sunny old Liverpool during my half-term break. I will take this opportunity to bang the drum for the french</span> <a href="http://www.education.gouv.fr/">Education System</a><span style="color: #444444;">, which gives all its humble and dedicated patrons two weeks off, instead of the usual one we have in Britain. Given this long festival, I thought it prudent to return back to my City of Learning not only to see my friends (plus people who I don't <i style="color: white;">really</i> consider friends but who I see anyway), but also to re-balance myself with my life and my surroundings. I never thought I'd say this, but going back did actually make me wallow in the revolution that </span></span><span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia;">I miss it</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: red;">. </span><span style="color: #444444;">(DON'T cue The Wombats' </span><a href="http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858680103/"><i>Let's Dance to Joy Division</i></a><span style="color: #444444;">)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 180%;">Literally don't even ever think about travelling with Ryan Air because they will abuse your trust and treat you like <span style="font-style: italic;">merde</span></span></span></span> </span></div><br />
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</style><span style="font-family: Georgia;">As you have doubtless guessed from this overly-long second paragraph title, I was less than happy with my chosen airline's treament of me (and my fellow passengers) both going to and coming back from Liverpool. Here are the Top Ten reasons:</span> <br />
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<ol><li>Airport staff rubbish</li>
<li>Kept waiting far too long</li>
<li>Seats on plane ridiculously close together, to the point that I wish I had been born without legs</li>
<li>So-called Air "Hostess" had a level of incomprehensible english, with only ever 1 in 10 words understandable without a translating machine from the future</li>
<li>Problems with buckling seatbelts</li>
<li>Problems with unbuckling seatbelts</li>
<li>Seatbelt signs flashing on and off all over the place like the opening ceremony at the Bejing Olympics</li>
<li>Over-head luggage compartment so badly designed that I can't fit my bag into it (even though it passed the <a href="http://womanwhotalkedtoomuch.blogspot.com/2009/02/why-i-hate-ryanair-in-detail.html">ridiculously despotic hand-luggage laws</a>)</li>
<li>No food offered in-flight</li>
<li>As for drinks, unless you're into gulping down copious amounts of <a href="http://www.bellasugar.com/Most-Expensive-Perfume-World-122479">overpriced perfume</a>, don't hold you're breath sunshine.</li>
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<span style="color: #444444;">It is only because I wanted to have a nice round number of 10 that I haven't continued. Honestly, as our </span><a href="http://www.ihateryanair.co.uk/">recurrent old friends</a> <span style="color: #444444;">frequently remind us, Ryan Air sucks. Fact. </span><br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Don't Stop Me Now</span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span><meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" equiv="Content-Type"><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Generator"><meta content="Microsoft Word 11" name="Originator"><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CWill%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: #444444;">Now, I know what some of you are thinking; "He is unjustly focussing on one REALLY TERRIBLE airline, leaving the others to get off scot free." This isn't the case (well, it is), but what's <i style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;">more</span></i> relevant is the fact that I don't believe I'm alone in thinking that it has now become the case that most so-called 'budget airlines' are no-longer necessarily cheaper than their big-brother predecessors. I am well aware that this becoming an unoriginal and boring post, and so I will say just this: the most annoying thing for me (for us), is that no matter how insanely</span><span style="color: white;"> </span><a href="http://www.ihateeasyjet.co.uk/portal/language/en-GB/Forums/forumid/11/scope/threads.aspx">horrible and ridiculous</a><span style="color: #444444;"> these 'cheaper' airlines get, we will still almost definately chose them every time over the others.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 180%;">Conclusion</span></span></span> <br />
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</style></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: #444444;">Apologies for the somewhat shortened nature of this post, but such is my 'fed-upness' (real word in the comments box below please) with my day today, I feel a lack of energy to continue. I got up at 6:00 AM (5:00 french time) and walked through my apartment door at 18:30, meaning that a day of traveling less than 1000km had taken over 12 hours. <br />
Who said Columbus was slow? At least the old explorers</span><span style="color: white;"> </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/groups/adventurersleague/discuss/72157607793916826/">had a laugh.</a> <br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">Oh, and in a desperate bid to retain your attention, here is a picture.</span></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br />
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</span></span></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-74644877544165776592010-02-15T23:02:00.011+00:002010-08-03T19:39:44.629+01:00Métro Surprises<span style="color: #444444;">Brilliant. The first day after I start a blog, something A-M-A-Z-I-N-G happens. Well I say amazing, but it may well be the case that after I've retold the story, it actually comes out as just plain shocking.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 180%;"><span style="color: red; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The Background...</span></span></span><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/86/France_Toulouse_metro_jean_jaur%C3%A8s_200707.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/86/France_Toulouse_metro_jean_jaur%C3%A8s_200707.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 290px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 445px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />
</span></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 100%;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: white; font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #444444;">In Toulouse, there is a métro. This métro has two lines, and is one of the most innovative in Europe. Apparently this is because it runs exclusively off electricity, and is completely automatic (there are no drivers). I say apparently, because this is the official line the company who built it,</span> <a href="http://tisseo.fr/" style="color: #6600cc;">Tisseo</a><span style="color: #6600cc;">,</span><span style="color: #444444;"> are going for. And in all honesty, I haven't got any arguments against this. They also say however that it is the best in Europe because there has never been any accidents on it. This is where I feel their argument breaks down...</span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The Setting...</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;">I had just been in town, sorting out a load of printing stuff for my trip to Liverpool next week. Printing off boarding passes, but not being able to do the obligatory on-line check-in because you forgot your passport, is a nightmare (</span><a href="http://www.ihateryanair.co.uk/tag/online-check-in/" style="color: #6600cc;">something which plenty of people have voiced their opinions on</a><span style="color: #444444;">). SO, I had to return home to get it. And I nearly lost my metro card on the way. And I hadn't had lunch. So, I was in a less than good mood. Anyone who has ever been on an inner-city metro will tell you that it is not one of those places where it's a good idea to try to interact with other people. Often because it can end up like</span> </span><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2064040/Tube-alcohol-party-turns-violent.html" style="color: #6600cc;">this</a><span style="color: #444444;">.</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">So, I'm in the train, and the station I was passing at the time is the central station, Jean Jaurès, and therefore the station where the most people get on and off. As we all know, metro trains give about 30 seconds of open-door time, at the end of which is a menacing beep, signifying the imminent closure of the doors, no matter who's in the way at the time. Unfortuneatly for him, but not for me (as I was filled with mirth); on this particular occasion there <span style="font-style: italic;">was</span> someone in the way.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: red; font-size: 180%;">The Victim...</span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">Midde-aged man, with a shopping bag.</span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #444444;"> And what I suspect was a...pressing...schedule (you'll laugh in a minute). And also what I suspect will from now on be a much less out-going attitude when it comes to running towards electric doors.</span><span style="color: #999999; font-size: 180%; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br />
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<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="color: red;">The tragic-but-funny outcome...</span><br />
</span><span style="color: #444444;">So I see this man from my vantage point inside the train, through the glass doors. The beep on the doors has been sounding for about a second. The man starts sprinting towards the train, clearly in a desperate bid to reach it before it leaves. Sadly, it would be taxing for even a much </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usain_bolt" style="color: #6600cc;">younger and fitter man</a><span style="color: white;"> </span><span style="color: #444444;">to do this within the time left before the doors close. As with ALL people that have ever made fools out of themselves in public, our man doesn't realise it at the time, and sprints hell-for-leather towards the doors. They start to slide close, just as he attempts to squeeze himself through. The annoying thing is, if a few people had moved over a bit, he might have made it in. But, as said above, nobody on metros ever interacts with each other enough to actually care, or even be aware, of the welfare of another person. The doors of the metro close, savagely hard, on the man. Perhaps his most unlucky choice, amongst all others, was that he tried to lean through the doorway head-first, and thus it was on his face that the doors closed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 180%; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: #999999;"><span style="color: red;">The moral...</span><br />
</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 100%;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;">When you hear a beep, and are running towards a metro train door, just don't even think about it. Especially if you're not, well, as young as you were. Also, never lead into things with your face. At the very best, you will escape with just a</span> </span><a href="http://www.jupiterimages.com/Image/royaltyFree/56499161" style="color: white;"><span style="color: #6600cc;">minor injury</span><span style="color: #444444;">.</span></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: 180%;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">THOUGHTS<br />
</span><span style="color: white; font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #444444;">You may call me harsh, sick even, but I think that a situation like this is always worth laughing about. Let's face it, the only thing that was damaged was his integrity (which he can get back), and his shopping (which, admittedly, he probably can't).<br />
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Anyway, that's today's post, and I hope you enjoyed it, and for those of you living in areas with metros, it may sound obvious, but I urge you never to try to 'reckon you can make it'. You don't want to have to go through</span> <a href="http://www.brooklynmuseum.org/eascfa/feminist_art_base/gallery/pialindman.php?i=704">this</a><span style="color: #444444;">.</span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">PS I will not be translating this post into French. For those of you who live in Toulouse anywhere near the metro, by now you should know how to use it.</span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #444444;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 180%; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></span></span></span>Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8353207725519380647.post-14265402648411788932010-02-14T23:18:00.000+00:002010-02-14T23:50:31.033+00:00Starting Off/DémarrageSo, this is my first post. I've decided to start up a blog, because I've always wanted to keep a diary, and now I can. The reason why I never kept one before was because I never got round to (that's to say, could never be bothered with) actually buying one.<br /><br />Anyway, this is a little different to a diary, in that it's less private.<br /><br />So I'll introduce myself. I'm a 20 year old student, originally from South Wales, currently living and working in Toulouse, south France. I live alone in a small apartment in the city centre. My life mostly consists of going to work, and doing 'social life' things with friends. <br /><br />I work as an english teacher, in three schools in Toulouse, and I teach kids of 11-15 years. <br /><br />I realise this is a largely boring and mostly pointless post - but it is the first one so this is necessary! For those of you who choose (please do) to follow this blog, there will be updates every now and again about how my life is going here, and various observations I make. Add your comments, should there be any, below.<br /><br />Oh, and also, this will be a bilingual blog, with the french always written below :)<br /><br /><br />Voilà mon premier poste. J'ai décidé de commencer à faire un blog, parce que j'ai toujours voulu tenir un journal, et maintenant je peux. Le raison pour lequel je n'ai jamais en tenir jusqu'à présent est parce que je ne suis jamais arrivé (c'est à dire que j'avais la flemme) d'en acheter.<br /><br />Eh bien, c'est un peu différent d'un journal intime, étant moins privé.<br /><br />Alors, je me présente. Je suis étudiant de 20 ans, d'origine gallois, et j'habite et travaille actuellement à Toulouse, dans le sud de la France. Je vie seul dans un petit appartement au centre-ville. Pour la plupart, ma vie se compose du travail et faire les trucs 'de la vie sociale' avec des amis.<br /><br />Je travaille comme prof d'anglais, dans trois collèges sur Toulouse, et j'enseigne des gamins de 11 à 15 ans.<br /><br />Je me rends compte que ce poste est largement ennuyeux, et sans but, mais c'est le premier donc c'est nécessaire! Pour ceux d'entre vous qui choisissent de suivre mon blog, je le mettrai à jour de temps en temps, donnant mes avis et mes pensés de ma vie quotidienne ici. N'hésitez pas à l'ajouter vos commentaires, si commentaires il y a, au-dessous.<br /><br />Oh, et par fait, cela va être un blog bilingue, avec l'anglais toujours écrit au-dessus :)Moosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09889963272861570134noreply@blogger.com1