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Toulouse, Haute-Garonne, France
Living alone is the key to inner happiness...Isn't it?

Wednesday, 24 February 2010


Right. Given that now I have 21 followers (!!), I am going to use this blog to vent a load of anger. This self-emitted (and no doubt self-created) hatred will be directed towards travelling in general, and France in particular.

Location, Location, Location

Liverpool, England. The plan was to return from Toulouse to sunny old Liverpool during my half-term break. I will take this opportunity to bang the drum for the french Education System, which gives all its humble and dedicated patrons two weeks off, instead of the usual one we have in Britain. Given this long festival, I thought it prudent to return back to my City of Learning not only to see my friends (plus people who I don't really consider friends but who I see anyway), but also to re-balance myself with my life and my surroundings. I never thought I'd say this, but going back did actually make me wallow in the revolution that
I miss it. (DON'T cue The Wombats' Let's Dance to Joy Division)

Literally don't even ever think about travelling with Ryan Air because they will abuse your trust and treat you like merde

As you have doubtless guessed from this overly-long second paragraph title, I was less than happy with my chosen airline's treament of me (and my fellow passengers) both going to and coming back from Liverpool. Here are the Top Ten reasons:

  1. Airport staff rubbish
  2. Kept waiting far too long
  3. Seats on plane ridiculously close together, to the point that I wish I had been born without legs
  4. So-called Air "Hostess" had a level of incomprehensible english, with only ever 1 in 10 words understandable without a translating machine from the future
  5. Problems with buckling seatbelts
  6. Problems with unbuckling seatbelts
  7. Seatbelt signs flashing on and off all over the place like the opening ceremony at the Bejing Olympics
  8. Over-head luggage compartment so badly designed that I can't fit my bag into it (even though it passed the ridiculously despotic hand-luggage laws)
  9. No food offered in-flight
  10. As for drinks, unless you're into gulping down copious amounts of overpriced perfume, don't hold you're breath sunshine.

It is only because I wanted to have a nice round number of 10 that I haven't continued. Honestly, as our recurrent old friends frequently remind us, Ryan Air sucks. Fact.

Don't Stop Me Now

Now, I know what some of you are thinking; "He is unjustly focussing on one REALLY TERRIBLE airline, leaving the others to get off scot free." This isn't the case (well, it is), but what's more relevant is the fact that I don't believe I'm alone in thinking that it has now become the case that most so-called 'budget airlines' are no-longer necessarily cheaper than their big-brother predecessors. I am well aware that this becoming an unoriginal and boring post, and so I will say just this: the most annoying thing for me (for us), is that no matter how insanely horrible and ridiculous these 'cheaper' airlines get, we will still almost definately chose them every time over the others.


Apologies for the somewhat shortened nature of this post, but such is my 'fed-upness' (real word in the comments box below please) with my day today, I feel a lack of energy to continue. I got up at 6:00 AM (5:00 french time) and walked through my apartment door at 18:30, meaning that a day of traveling less than 1000km had taken over 12 hours.
Who said Columbus was slow? At least the old explorers
had a laugh.

Oh, and in a desperate bid to retain your attention, here is a picture.


  1. 'I wish I had been born without legs' actually made me laugh out loud. Is that bad that I'm laughing at legless people?
    Anyway, I often get the same problem on buses and have to sit at an odd angle to fit in. Sucks to be tall. And have legs.

  2. Haha Ryanair is crapola.

    By the way, I completely forgot to tell you that one of my students is 100% a dead ringer for Richie. Actually frightened me a little bit, like he had stolen his face. It makes me really uncomfortable in class as well because he always concentrates loads and like follows me around the room with his eyes, which normally would be good (being attentive and all) but its really unsettling. I might make him wear a balaclava.

  3. Please refrain from commenting about unrelated post items. Should you continue to do so all future comments will be monitored and destroyed.

    Like Ryan Air's baggage policy.

  4. I also share your distaste with Ryanair....

    After refusing to pay £30 to take 1 piece of hold luggage, I squeezed a long weekends worth of clothing and makeup into a rucksack and felt quite smug that I was sticking my fingers up at them.

    Don't fool yourself. They always have the last laugh.

    From the moment you step onto that plane its sell, sell sell! A personal favorite of mine is "Aahhhhh! Thirsty? Why not have a refreshing J20, sponsors of Ryanair" and the little donkey derby doo doo doo dooo tune played when you land telling you that "You have arrived on yet another on time Ryanair flight"

    Hello sir, will you be requiring your head on board today?

    Yes of course I bloody will!

    Great! That will cost you an extra £20, now will you be requiring oxygen for it...?

    You sell your soul when you travel on ryanair!

    You may enjoy this piece of propaganda...


  5. you're a gay :)

    Gemma told me to.